How to begin (and never stop) to understand your true worth?

Eighteen months ago I crossed my fifty-year mark. This is usually a time for stock-taking, reflection and hopefully growth; the body and diet put on some regimen to manage aging, the mind primed to accept some frailty and the spirit freed to explore new things. It did not exactly go that way. The body and senses were stuck in some indulgent gear while the mind and spirit wallowed in old comforts. Why?

Upon reflection I attribute my behavior to how I estimated my value. I measure my worth like wealth. In this perspective, my worth is what I have accrued and what I am owed. Of course I see my material wealth too as part of my worth. I see them as tangible values that are cumulated or drained - like inventories. In my middle age I feel I am owed something if not from those who benefitted, from the universe itself. The compromises and sacrifices I think I made to get where I am demand recompense - a lot more time to myself; whimsical spending; or just the freedom to behave selfishly without having to explain myself. Whether I garnered huge wealth or garnished just to eke out, I have kept tabs on how I wish to recoup my costs.

The other way to think about worth is that it is a gift like an inheritance. No one has more worth than any other. Everyone has an unlimited supply. One neither has a true measure of their worth nor do they need to. But one thing holds true for all. A person's worth shines in kindness toward another. It lights and lights up in acts of kindness - whenever and wherever you do. The party is always on. You are never too early or late and all contributions welcome 

There is a saying in Thamizh that goes "கழுதைக்கு தெரியுமா கற்பூர வாசனை" (kazhuthaiku theriyuma karpura vaasanai?). This is usually explained as "Can donkeys appreciate the essence of camphor?" or close to it's anglo equivalent - "Do swine know a pearl's worth?". But it is tautological.

First, donkeys and swine are smart not to let us in on their thoughts. It turns out the Thamizh adage could be a morphism of an original -  "கழு தைக்க தெரியுமாம் கற்பூர வாசனை" (kazhu thaikka theriyumaam karpura vaasanai). There is a certain variety of switch-grass (கோரைப்புல்) called kazhu (கழு). It looks and feels like any other variety, often left out as cattle feed. When it is dehusked, twinned and braided (தைக்க) into ropes and mats, its inner kernels release (தெரியுமாம்) a rich fragrance very much like camphor (கற்பூர வாசனை). And like camphor it lifts the spirits of everyone around. With each rub and stitch the lowly switch-grass perfumes the air it grazes just as the camphor blazes.

We are switch-grass. We have worth unbeknownst to us, that is released and realized only in our acts of kindness - helping and giving. Without engaging in these acts our worth is not clear to us. Unlike wealth and fame our true worth is discovered one act at a time. We are not what we hoard, but how we give unto others despite our circumstances - our time, our will, our experience, our energy. 

If you are a late-comer like me, you are still perfectly on time. No act is small. No time is better than now. Get into it. If you have children small or older, encourage them to keep time and energy for others, just like sending them to extra classes and lessons. Urge them to reach kids outside their social circles and be kinder when it's harder to be. Even natural instincts need honing and nurturing to blossom. You will be giving them and yourself the immeasurable gift of knowing the worth of being.

கழு தைக்க தெரியும்

கற்பூர வாசனை

அரு தகைக்க படரும்

அகப்பொருட் தன்மை

As grass scents in stitching

Does divinity unveil in giving